Dad Jokes (Groan Worthy Jokes)

[The Last Streetfighter]

A skunk, a duck and deer and a giraffe walk into a bar and order a round of drinks.
When the bartender asks, "Who's paying?" the argument begins.
Skunk: I've only got one scent.
Deer: I had a little doe on me earlier, but now I'm just one buck.
Duck: I only have one bill.

Giraffe: Well I guess the highballs are on me!

[The Last Streetfighter]

Also, I lol'd at the same lame jokes getting reposted (Eileen etc.)
I'm a Dad, so I get to tell Dad jokes to my kids and listen to them groan...

[wombatoutofhell]

I'm a Dad, so I get to tell Dad jokes to my kids and listen to them groan...

Me too-but my jokes seem to be getting worse since I became a grandfather a couple of months ago.

2 fish were in a tank. one said to the other," I'll drive, you man the gun"

A man walked into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but glad wrap. The shrink looked up and said, " well I can clearly see your nuts!"

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
only 2 but I have no idea how they got in there.

too tired to think of any more right now! Maybe I'll try some elephant jokes tomorrow.

[wombatoutofhell]

I saw a Port Adelaide season ticket nailed to a pole and I took it, you can never have too many nails

[Cossor]

Be alert at the next election


Australia needs lerts

[Cossor]

I saw a Port Adelaide season ticket nailed to a pole and I took it, you can never have too many nails

Is this one of those Polish jokes?

[Cossor]

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ... and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.

You are going to love the Dad's reply:

To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?'

[Cossor]

CREATIVE PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. one hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the golf ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Say Goodnight
Goodnight!